Are you certain, or are you curious?
"Uncle" makes a prehistoric discovery (27 February 1921) by Leslie Adkin
I have a terrible habit: my husband starts to pose a question, and I respond with a definitive answer without looking into what he's asking about or understanding the scope of his question.
While my quick response might be based on an educated guess, I usually state it as fact. "It doesn't work that way...” or worse, "That's not possible...”.
Understandably, this makes my husband incredibly annoyed. I haven't even looked into the issue or read the email or article he's referencing, so how do I already know the answer?
It's frighteningly easy to fall into this pattern. Sometimes, it's because we've heard similar questions before and assume we know where this one is going. Sometimes, it's because we rush through our day, trying to clear conversations as efficiently as possible. And sometimes – if we're really honest with ourselves – it's because we feel an underlying pressure to be the person with all the answers, to make quick decisions, to never show uncertainty. There’s a proverb about pride going before a fall that might pertain here.
“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.”
— Naguib Mahfouz
Let’s Do Better (Together)
Inspired by a practice Anne-Laure Le Cunff introduced in The Curiosity Collective, here's a three-step experiment to try:
Be an anthropologist of your own life for one day. Open a note on your phone and track your conversations, noting times you respond with immediate answers rather than questions. Tip: Pick a typical day – one that reflects your normal patterns and interactions.
Look for opportunities to improve. Review your notes at the day's end and look for any opportunities where you feel you could do better. Try out the prompt: "Maybe I could..."
Maybe I could pause for three seconds before answering any question
Maybe I could ask, "What made you think of that?" before sharing my thoughts
Maybe I could say, "Tell me more," when my first instinct is to say, "That won't work."
Choose one "maybe" and turn it into an easy five-day commitment. Write it down somewhere visible: "For the next 5 days, I will _____." Then, run your experiment and see what you discover.
Interested in getting future posts delivered to your inbox? Sign up for our newsletter, Better Together, below.
